Friday, March 9, 2012

謊言。Lies··

大家都說,說謊是錯的·· 這個我從小也知道啦·· 家裡,教堂,學校·· 被灌輸的教學就是·· 小孩不能說謊哦! 可是我現在長大了·· 那,我可是撒謊了嗎?

如果現在我說我爲了一個人和自己撒了一個謊,再用更多的謊來圓了那個謊·· 那·· 我現在是壞人嗎? 那我是不是更有原因恨自己? 其實,選擇撒謊可以是需要很多很多的勇氣的·· 需要那個勇氣來往自己傷口上撒鹽,需要那個勇氣來笑著面對他,需要那個勇氣來希望他會比自己好過,也需要那個勇氣來給他 自己不想給的安慰·· 你知道嗎?我  不是看得開,只是不想他和自己一樣那麼狼狽;不是偉大,只是試著去學習獨立和堅強面對·· 不是好人,因為心裡其實很不願意放開·· 可是媽媽,你女兒我好累哦·· 原來一直和自己說“可以”是不好受的·· 而大家口中的那個“加油” 我不想要 可以嗎? 我只是好累哦·· 一直加油,一直加油·· 不會累嗎?超人也會累不是嗎?更何況我?我真的看起來那麼勇敢,那麼堅強嗎?我是那麼的渺小,那麼的不重要,那麼的無力,那麼的不被需要,那麼的脆弱  你又知道嗎?

現在的自己其實只希望自己一睡不醒·· 什麽也不想理,好想回到自己小時候,什麽都不用想的時候·· 那樣 我 會不會快樂一點?開心一點?小時候的那個 [笑] 好開心·· 好真誠·· 大了以後的 [笑], 其實背後藏著多少傷心,多少心痛,多少勇氣呢?逼自己笑,可是只有臉上表情·· 那種笑 好像·· 很可悲·· 長大后的笑 原來是因為自己真的哭過了··


祝 那個你 : 幸福快樂,天天開心美麗 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Part of growing up

As I was growing up, my mum used to tell me very often that, never touch things which do not belong to you. Fair enough, I picked that up and guess what? I think Im obedient enough that Im still holding on to that "lesson" my mum tried to teach me.. In life, we meet lots of stuff.. Good one and bad one.. Some are meant for us, while some arent. People often say that "If one thing is meant for you, it will come to you even though you didnt really work for it; on the other hand, if it doesnt belongs to you, no matter how hard you try, it will never be yours." Therefore, I guess one of the most important lesson we need to learn in life, or perhaps I should say one lesson which I learnt, is to learn to let go. I bet it takes time. I bet steps wouldnt be that easy to be taken. I bet, each steps would hurt. But, there will be time when you really need to let go of something. Not necessarily bad things, but I would say, things which do not belong to you.. Ah well. Let it go, let it go.. En, let it go, and I'm trying, very hard indeed.. =)

我不難過了 甚至真心希望你能幸福
當我瞭解 你只活在記憶裡頭 
我不恨你了 甚至原諒你的殘忍理由
當我瞭解不愛了 連回憶都是負荷
  
跟你借的幸福 抱歉我有不能還你的苦

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Final post of the year

Just to do a short sum up for the year.
How do I rate the year of 2011? More to.. Bad =)
Of course there's good in between but just as there were many things that flowed smoothly, more went against the flow. In short, I'm confused and I somehow.. hated myself for who I am now.. =) I know it sounded negative.. But that's the fact about it. Of course I do thank God for everything.. (P.S. I'm not trying to be holy here) Anyway, back to the topic, if I could, I wish I could be like the Polar Bear, hibernate through a long period of time, and wake up feeling afresh-ed. I'm too weak to take this much loads. I am not capable. I am weak. I am fragile. Would you please, stop coming?

Dear God,
If you're listening to me now,
please, help me to get back on my knees.
I, am.. truly.. lost.. in.. EVERYTHING. Yesh I am indeed.

Friday, November 18, 2011

The many first time(s) in a day!

Looks like I havent been updating my blog for long. A reason would be that I was a lil too busy and I never really have the mood to blog. LOL. Anyway, since there are too many things that happened today, therefore.. Ive decided to blog ==" Ahh well =="

As the title goes, the many first time(S) today. ==" First time, having and seeing a burglar broke into the house, first time wearing a towel and chase after a burglar, first time appearing so "sexily" in public ==" and of course, first time settling stuff without PaPa. =)

As usual, its Thursday! I finished my Land Law tutorial at 8pm, after settling stuff, I traveled home whereby I reached at about 8.30 pm. and as my pattern goes, online a while larh.. slack slack a while larh, before Ive finally decided to do my hair mask at about 9.30pm. So, I went to the toilet and was doing my hair mask and stuff, and when I came out, it is to my surprise or maybe I should say shock that I saw a guy in black and white stripes shirt, putting on my laptop bag and ran out from my room. I dont know where did my courage came from that I automatically run after him ==" Seriously, I thank God that he doesnt owns any weapon, or else I would have been injured or worse, died? LOL Okay, back to the situation.. I was in my towel (Yesh, dont doubt, only towel ==") and I chase after him right from 12th floor down to Ground floor. ==" Amazed? Hell yea.. you better be ==" Another thing that Im thankful for is that, neighbors are pretty nice and helpful.. Cause as I was running down, I shouted "pencuri" repeated and LOUDLY. LOL. that many neighbors came out and helped.

Adding more to your amazement, I (still in my towel) sort of asked the suspect some questions like "WOI! where is my laptop!? Give it back to me!" ==" I know its odd to do something like that, but nevertheless, I did that ==" The residents and guards then sort of helped me to "look after" him while I went back up to check whats lost and of course to clothe myself. I never really noticed that my make ups and jeweleries were stolen, all I noticed was that, my lappy and iPhone was lost. hahahahaha.. so I went back down and continue questioning the fella.

"where are my stuff?! where is my laptop?!" of course, he denied that he took them, however, later on he said "I never took your laptop, you go check properly in your room! Its there!" Instantly, another thought came into my mind "How on earth would you know that my laptop was in my room if you never been there?" He kept quiet for a lil while and continue denying. ==" (Duh!) I further questioned him on why was he in the residential compound by which he is not the resident.. and he said that he was visiting a friend. and when I asked him to call his friend down to clarify the misunderstanding, he then said that he just learns that his friend doesnt lives here anymore.. "What time you came?" "7 something.. No no. about an hour ago" "How did you entered the compound?" "front gate" "All the guards said they didnt saw you coming in.. If you never steal my stuff, why on earth did you run when I chase you?" "You chase I run larh, you got recognised the wrong person or not?" "Why then did you stayed in the compound for more than an hour when you have nothing to do in here? By the way, you havent answer me, how come you'll be able to tell me that my laptop is in my room if you never entered my room?" "Xiu Jie.. Ngor mm sek English ga, dim tong nei gong o? (Miss, I dont know English one lo.. how can I told you that?)" "Tao xin yao yan jeng dou teng dou nei gong lo.. (There's someone else heard you said that too).. and, if you dont know English, how come you managed to converse with me for so long in ENGLISH?" He never really answered or clarified this question, in fact, he kept on denying that he stole the stuff. Seriously, I wasnt 100% sure that he is the one who steal the stuff judging on the fact that I only managed to see the back of the guy who is in black and white stripes shirt. However, from the questioning session, I find loads of stuff contradicting, leading to him being more suspicious because they just simply doesnt convinced me. The security guards and residents helped me to search for the lost stuff in every floor, and thank God and the people that we managed to recover back the lost where they managed to find back my stuff at the corner of the 3rd floor. In the end, we let the guy go after taking pictures of him and his ic, then we proceeded to the police station to file a police report.. Aiks..

Haiz... Anyhow, it was indeed an adventurous day to me ==" too many first time situations that happened, but after all the stuff, I seriously thank God that Im fine, be it physically or mentally and emotionally. LOL. In fact, Im still a lil high spirited now.. hahahahahaha. Oh yea!!! Im glad that I was a athlete when I was much younger. at least Im able to run well and shout well at the same time.. Good stamina!! Phewwwiit! (Although I faced breathing difficulty after that. LOL) Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway!!! Seeeeeeeeeeeeriously, I'm well amazed by my own courage and guts to chase after the burglar.. Dont you find it cool? LOL.. hahahahahhahaha that's basically it! Moral of the story, KL is never a safe place to live in! LOLOLOL!!!

P.S. The new layout of blogspot sucks! I know this is random, but its true! LOL

Monday, July 18, 2011

Just some thoughts

Holiday. Long holiday. Super duper long holiday! Weeee~ Oh dear~ I'm pretty much slacking enjoying this holiday.. It just sorta feel great when you can sleep whenever you want, wake up whenever you want, rather stress free.. But, its a lil hmm.. numb throughout the whole period though. Oh gosh~ I wish I wont get too used to this, or else I'll be real doomed when the holiday ends.. =(

As usual, am having some thoughts in mind, thats why I'm here to blog marh~~ =P Poor bloggie had always been abandoned by its cruel Mummie (Me!!!) =P Anyway, this is one of the thoughts.. To do something that you dont really fancy over, yet its sorta bond you.. Dont it sounds a lil pitiful? Oh well, it is to me though.. Its like doing something that you dont like yet you are to do it.. Not to say it leaves you no choice, its more like, currently, its the most efficient(though not best) option your have, but you dont really like it? LOL. Ahh, I know what you're thinking, it must be "You choose it yourself marh, you have to bear its consequences larh" Ya ya ya.. Desperado~ Serves me right.. Duh.. Perhaps I did chose the wrong stuff, haiz.. But what to do, since I've walked through half of it, might as well finish it up right? Patience, its coming to an end! Jia you Chris! Haiz..

Another thing that came across the mind is hmm.. what we call trust? Its like sometimes you dont really believe it, but still, you're determined enough to persuade yourself to believe it; or sometimes you really do mind something, yet you're telling yourself hard enough that you dont mind. LOL! Hahaha.. Does it sounds a lil confusing? Okay, an illustration. "A ball is oval" First thought that comes in would be "Eh~~~ Ball should be round wutt, how can it be oval?" then the second thought comes along.. "Ahh well.. some balls are oval marh.. Dont think too much larh, maybe its right.." Even though the first thought convinced you more, but you're capable to overturn the final thought.. I wonder if you're getting what I'm trying to say. LOL! If you do, thank God! If you dont, awww.. too bad, I've tried my best to explain =( Whatever hey~ What I'm trying to say that, trust takes lots of courage.. Some people would name them stupid cause it may sound ridiculous, some people may call it naive cause its kinda dumb, some people might even see it as infirm.. Its like you dont have your own stand yet you're trying to follow what so-and-so had said. I think all that aint wrong, but its never easy to let go of your own ego and actually let yourself to do these kind of thing, especially for such choleric person like me.. *winks* Sometimes, its a kind of relief eh.. it cuts off loads of unnecessary doubts and fights.. Hehe.. Ah Duh~ in some ways, its kinda training your patience also marh! =P Think positively marh! Hahahahaha..

Last but not least, I think he's cute! =P

Blessed day people! and be happy, be merry and smile always!

Tah~

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Putting a fullstop at the end

Have you guys actually noticed that time passes very fast? Its so fast that, stepping into UM was like a matter that just happened not long ago.. Hahaha.. Anyway, this post is actually here to put a fullstop to my first year in law school. And YESH!!!! I've finished my year one! Can you believe that?! LOL.. Remembering last year's July, I was the only Chinese from my town in UM law school.. (Not just my batch, but like.. the entire law school? LOL.) Seeing most people were having their former schoolmates along while I was alone.. It was indeed depressing.. (I'm serious!! =() Loads of worries and doubts which went along with me.. I was scared that I couldnt fit into the crowds, nor could I really find someone to click with.. However, thank God, everything went pretty well, except for the fact that sometimes, weird feeling comes and emo moments hunt me down. Hahahaha.. But still, things went far way better than what I've expected.

In law school, most friends were nice.. easy going.. Even though I wasnt super duper-ly close with the entire batch yet, but I believe as time goes by, we'll get to know each other better in the coming 3 years for I have not met any weirdo that drives me crazy so far~ =P Therefore, I believe things will definitely go well until the end of law school.. and I truly pray for that to happen.. *winks* And of course, I want to thank God for setting friends who backed me up at times, not only physically, but also mentally and spiritually.. Definitely, also to thank all batch mates for bearing with me.. (for being patient on my "pattern-liao-liao-ness" especially! XD) Psssst pssst.. not forgetting the seniors, tutors and lecturers.. they've all been good! Whhooooops! <3

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~ Done with finals. done with first year! Here comes of 4 months holiday~~~ Anyone wanna hire me for some work? =( I need money to buy stuff!! =(

Psssstt~~Dont jealous of my long holiday! =P

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

今天,想說··

今天,想對一個很久沒見的朋友說··

“誒,木·· 好久不見,你還好嗎?” =)

突然就想用華語來打部落格·· 其中用意是想和大家說,其實我是會華語的~ 雖然沒有非常之好~ 可是還可以騙吃啦·· 哈哈·· 本姑娘 這幾天 心情還真的很不錯下·· 放下了一些東西,感覺上就好像丟了一個很大的包袱·· 可是呢,突然覺得很輕·· 輕到我自己不知道要做什麽·· 可能是長時間累積成的習慣,一下子不見了 難免會有點不習慣,可是呢~ 解脫 是值得高興的不是麼~~?

最近也突然就覺得呢·· 其實每個人都很厲害講,可是要真的要去執行的時候卻永遠不是一件很容易的事·· 當真的要提起心肝 下定決心去做一件事的時候 是需要很多勇氣的·· 可是啊·· 有時候我們做人還真的是要堅決點·· 可能有時候會傷心,會不捨得,可是 真的,當你 學會放下的時候,它真的會是一個釋放·· 整個人就鬆懈了下來·· 然後回頭一看,也會發覺到,其實你並沒有你想像中的那麼在意·· 只是曾經不願意嘗試一個你不熟悉的後果·· 不願意放棄你的習慣·· 在你決定了之後的一段時間 你的人就會越來越開心了啦~~ 哈哈哈 誒·· 記得 記得 不要讓自己哭太久,大大聲哭一場!哭飽了,發洩完了, 就會是新的開始啦~ 哪位傷心的朋友啊~ 你要加油咯~ 我的笑 送給你,希望你能快樂·· 我們一起開心美麗吧!♥

在我end我的日誌之前,想和大家分享一首 我昨晚不小心聽到的歌·· 是一首蠻有名的歌,可是呢 這個是 原創者版本的·· 本人還真的有很喜歡這首歌·· 他的歌聲 可能 不是全部人都會喜歡,可是本姑娘喜歡啦~ 就覺得 很有feel·· 很性感 哈哈哈哈~ 這首歌的歌名叫 《可惜不是你》·· 可是不是梁靜茹唱的,(可惜不是梁靜茹~~~) 而是曹軒賓版本的·· 哈哈哈哈~~ 本姑娘特別喜歡他唱這首歌的感覺,更喜歡這首歌的歌詞·· 就覺得 它很有意思··
這一刻 突然覺得好熟悉
像昨天 今天同時在放映
我這句語氣 原來好像你
不就是我們愛過的證據

差一點 騙了自己騙了你
愛與被愛不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一種運氣
但我無法完全交出自己

努力為你改變
 卻變不了 預留的伏線
 以為在你身邊 那也算永遠

 彷彿還是昨天
 可是昨天 己非常遙遠
 但閉上我雙眼 我還看得見

可惜不是你 陪我到最後
 曾一起走 卻走失那路口
 感謝那是你 牽過我的手
 還能感受那溫柔

那一段 我們曾心貼著心
我想我更有權利關心你
可能你 已走進別人風景
多希望 也有 星光的投影

感謝那是你 牽過我的手
還能溫暖我胸口

雖然曾經傷心; 道謝后,我們都各自加油··
曾經的那個你,謝謝了!你要加油哦!♥